PORTLAND, Ore. — Legendary childhood diseases Measles and Polio will co-headline an upcoming U.S. tour, thanks entirely to the countless parents who absolutely refuse to…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — Ska-punk legends Sublime announced today that their upcoming tour will include a hologram of Lou Dog, the beloved deceased dalmatian of…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Senator Bernie Sanders surprised his rabid fanbase today with an announcement that he would play his classic 2016 presidential campaign in its…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Drummer Amir Ferguson last night left yet another piece of his drum gear in a city in which he’d just performed, cementing…
NORTH POLE — Jolly Old Saint Nicholas admitted he was slightly irritated last week when his workshop was flooded by letters imploring him to visit…
NORTH POLE — Santa Claus shocked Christmas enthusiasts worldwide today by launching a Patreon campaign to fund his 2018 world tour, setting off speculation about…
RICHMOND, Va. — Members of local hardcore band Without Dignity are doggedly working out the logistics of their first tour, consisting of two shows in…
WASHINGTON — The Environmental Protection Agency, in connection with the Trump Administration, announced yesterday that it is rolling back Obama-era restrictions on where Virginia-based thrash…
NEW YORK — Local pop punk band Orange 17 has expressed interest in the fate of the infamous mail bomber’s van following his arrest, sources…
VALPARAISO, Ind. — Local punk band Panama Root Canal enjoyed a record turnout last night for the Cleveland stop of their Midwest tour when their…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Punk band Dump Cumsters finally gained entry into Canada this morning after nine hours of explaining to border agents that their Canadian…
MOSCOW — Guns ‘N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose was seen sprinting the length of Otkritie Arena last night to help sell the band’s shirts, patches,…
HARTFORD, Conn. — The world-renowned Smithson Symphony Orchestra asked their audience at the Hartford Opera House last night if anyone could offer them a place…
ATLANTA — UberPOOL driver Christian Domingo was blindsided Thursday when he unwittingly became the driver for the last leg of Grime Squad’s east coast tour,…
MINNEAPOLIS — A 1986 Ford Econoline van baffled onlookers and scientists alike last night after somehow inhabiting two separate parking spaces at precisely the same…