HOBOKEN, N.J. — The members of local emo band Featherhoof were reportedly overwhelmed with gratitude when longtime fan and friend David Ketwaller remarked that they…
WELLAND, Ontario — Local hardcore kid Jordan Trimble announced his intentions to destroy the only intact ceiling tile remaining in the Lion’s Club seconds before…
Dads are lame. Even if your dad can occasionally impart a life lesson or bring you a case of toilet paper from Costco, dads can…
LANGHORNE, Pa. — Local clueless friend Jordan Schmidt overlooked the lifelong trauma of being dumped in the smelly black hole of a Denny’s parking lot…
PHILADELPHIA — The entire punk scene of Philadelphia resolved today that promoter, producer, and overall pillar of the scene Stevie Bryant is “completely unbookable,” hushed…
BALTIMORE — Local office punk Sean Cruz reportedly moved up front and center yesterday to represent for his colleague during a Q4 earnings presentation, according…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local trans woman Emma Nelson was forced to cross the street last night to avoid an ambush from “well-wishing allies,” whose constant…
PHILADELPHIA — The biggest fan of local indie rock band Cash Only is reportedly Kevin Estrada, a close friend who doesn’t have an ounce of…
DENVER — Semi-professional photographer Dennis Bachmann stands accused this morning of overenthusiastically supporting same-sex female relationships, according to multiple creeped out sources. Allegations spread after…
FOLSOM, Calif. — Local girlfriend Jenna Hurewicz has severely over-inflated the confidence of her significant other Tommy Ganshirt with constant praise and encouragement, according to…
NEW YORK — 26-year-old Michael Reyder reportedly had his mind blown late last night after quickly using the women’s restroom at the Blarespace DIY music…