NEW YORK — Quarantined man Michael Gray repeated his rigid daily routine moments ago when he turned off his alarm, got out of bed, and…
NEWPORT, Ky. — Notable stoner and “flat earth” conspiracy theorist John Hays has been playing the same Sleep album continuously since last year’s 4/20 celebration,…
After dutifully reporting to my essential job opening at 5 a.m. at Panera every morning since all this shit started going down, on Friday night…
BALTIMORE — Quarantined family man Arti Hagelstein succumbed today to both boredom and the exotic allure of Thelkkphegorg, the sleep paralysis demon who wakes him…
LOS ANGELES — Tired, aging 31-year-old punk David Kresner was relieved when police arrived at a record release show last night, prematurely ending the concert…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — A fuzzy little punk roommate known only as “Banjo” twitched adorably in his sleep yesterday, presumably dreaming that he was running away…
MANHATTAN, Kan. — Bleary-eyed local woman Sharon Esses reported this morning that the only consistent part of her bedtime routine is lying awake and contemplating…
INTERSTATE 95 — 19 hours into a 12-hour shift and trailing closely behind a jam-packed minivan, big-rig operator “Big” Pat Phillips found the perfect time…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local boyfriend Adam Leben refused to admit to any wrongdoing for his alleged horrible behavior in his girlfriend’s dream last night, annoyed…
LEWISTON, Maine — Local hardcore kid Ernie Gibbs is reportedly such a serious hardcore fan that he goes to sleep every night dressed in a…
SEATTLE — Depression and anxiety unexpectedly announced a co-headlining secret show last night at the prefrontal cortex venue inside the brain of Matt Daytona, leading…
BALTIMORE — Depressed researchers at Johns Hopkins University suggest a proper night’s sleep should last between 14 and 18 hours per night, according to a…
NEW YORK — Local man Adam Lefler is increasingly nervous to check his 194 notifications on Facebook this morning after waking up extremely hungover, the…
When I heard that doom metal gods Sleep were playing “Dopesmoker” in its entirety on an outdoor stage in Death Valley, I knew I had…
SAN FRANCISCO — Confused stoner Tyler Harrison participated in a sleep-study program believing the nocturnal testing session would actually be a thoughtful dissection of the doom-metal…