SEATTLE — Depression and anxiety unexpectedly announced a co-headlining secret show last night at the prefrontal cortex venue inside the brain of Matt Daytona, leading…
BALTIMORE — Depressed researchers at Johns Hopkins University suggest a proper night’s sleep should last between 14 and 18 hours per night, according to a…
NEW YORK — Local man Adam Lefler is increasingly nervous to check his 194 notifications on Facebook this morning after waking up extremely hungover, the…
When I heard that doom metal gods Sleep were playing “Dopesmoker” in its entirety on an outdoor stage in Death Valley, I knew I had…
SAN FRANCISCO — Confused stoner Tyler Harrison participated in a sleep-study program believing the nocturnal testing session would actually be a thoughtful dissection of the doom-metal…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — “Woke dude” Pete McNamara lulled a once-thriving party into collective slumber after vocalizing his socially progressive opinions, according to extremely disinterested listeners.…
BOSTON — AggroNap, a noise machine sleep aid for people who grew up in broken homes, is set to hit the market after months of…
AUSTIN, Texas — Sleep-deprived insurrectionist Terrence Dravenstatt finally achieved a good night’s rest last night after using a modified version of the traditional insomnia cure…
TEMPE, Arizona — Your normie, non-punk girlfriend, who you’ve been with since early high school, is thrilled that you invited 15 of your friends from…
[bandcamp width=100% height=42 album=4022394178 size=small bgcol=ffffff linkcol=2ebd35 track=3403585729] PORTLAND, Ore. — Deafheaven’s bassist, Stephen Clark, was lulled to sleep in the middle of his band’s…
