ATLANTA — Patrons of Leatherman’s Bluff Sex Emporium were cresfallen today upon learning that Dark Spectrum, the clubs monthly “anything goes” no-condoms-allowed orgy will be…
FORT WASHINGTON, Md. — Wayne LaPierre, the chief executive of the National Rifle Association (NRA), unveiled a bold plan today to prevent further American coronavirus…
SAN DIEGO — Junior designer Lewis Cooper allegedly accidentally contaminated his entire office with the deadly coronavirus yesterday, thanks to his fear of calling in…
FILLMORE, Minn. — Researchers confirmed today that crust punk James “Pyrofuck” Polinita is officially the first human completely immune to Chronic Wasting Disease — popularly…
PITTSBURGH — A local punk house is gearing up for its fourth consecutive year of flu season, now plaguing residents for the equivalent of one…
OSWEGO, N.Y. — Sonic the Hedgehog honored the Make-A-Wish request of 13-year-old DeviantArt regular Jake Applebaum, declaring his self-created character Jake the Hedgehog part of…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Darren Freed met privately with his “best friend since junior high” early this morning to ask him to delete thousands of songs…
ELGIN, Ill. — Arthur McInerney, lead guitarist for the technical death metal band Magmarok, passed away Thursday following complications with Type 2 Diabetes, but not…
LOS ANGELES — With Congress expected to gut the Affordable Care Act, local school teacher Sofiya Anderson realized late last night she will soon be…