Last night, I was visited by a punk rock god by the name of Johnny Ramone. Well, not exactly visited by him in person, because…
TYLER, Texas. — Local hardcore band Crate Full of Saws recently alarmed audience members when, in the middle of an unfocused and seemingly endless speech,…
When one thinks of the ‘90s, mainstream acts like Nirvana, Garth Brooks, Alanis Morissette, and Bill Clinton’s jazz quartet often come to mind for pedestrians…
If you’re like me you probably stay up all hours of the night tossing and turning while trying to stop your brain from remembering an…
BOULDER, Colo. – Local man Rozco Ambo admitted he was concerned that the entire crowd watched him completely botch his air drumming routine during a…
While everyone remembers the day the ‘90s died (September 11th, 2001), very few remember the day the ‘80s died, December 27th, 2020. On top of…
When will Americans finally learn to head that old maxim “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”? Recently the woman formerly known as Rachel Dolezal…
To any and all Hollywood butt-chuggets that might be reading this: Hi. You probably don’t know me. I didn’t go to AFI, I’ve never won…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Invisible Gravity Cannabis Dispensary recently announced it will host throwback night where patrons can relive the days of splitting a fat…
NEW YORK — Frontman of award-winning Heavy Metal band Xanstärr, Joey Blakkburn, says that he and the rest of the band hope to land a…
As has already been established in this very publication, Cattle Decapitation is the furiously-misanthropic, environmentally-conscious, and stunningly-virtuosic tech-death/grindcore band of choice for the cultured, discriminating…
Is there anything more boring than a funeral? You might as well get shitfaced while respectfully expressing your condolences. Thanks to your shitty genes, family…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — A mass shooting that left one dead and at least 30 others injured at the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl Parade,…
The other day, I was watching some documentary while waiting for a video game to download, and I heard a guy say something like, “Jazz…
Newburgh, N.Y. — Kirsten Emery, guitarist in local punk band Feral Insurgence and vocal critic of Valentine’s Day, curiously embraced the “sham” holiday now that…