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The Muppets Ranked by How Likely They Are To Carry Rabies

Since the 1970s The Muppets have provided that rare breed of wholesome entertainment that truly caters to the whole family. Unfortunately, as is the case with so many cute and cuddly-looking creatures, getting close to one can be extremely dangerous.

Along with bats and raccoons, Muppets have been known to carry the rabies virus and spread it to humans. The fact that they can wear clothes, speak English, and perform sketch comedy actually makes them all the more dangerous, because these traits tend to make us forget they are wild animals.

Know the risks: After singing “Muppet Rabies” to the tune of “Muppet Babies” in your head a few times (because who could resist?) read this list of every Muppet ranked by the likelihood they are carrying this degenerative and deadly disease.

29. Robin the Frog

Don’t worry kids, there’s no chance Robin carries rabies. Rabies is spread through bites, and any attack that could transmit the disease would surely cause his frail young body to expire immediately. Yay!!!

28. Lips

Rabies is the last in a very long list of diseases you need to worry about Lips transmitting to you. If you’re wondering which disease he’s most likely to give you, just ask yourself “Why do they call him Lips?”

27. Zoot

He won’t give you rabies, but he’s one of the few people in the world who know firsthand that hepatitises go all the way up to Z.

26. Scooter

He’ll lie to you, steal from you, break your heart, Scooter will build you up just for the sick pleasure of knocking you down but no, he doesn’t have rabies.

25. Janice

Janice does not have rabies, and when she foams at the mouth and bites you she’s just having a manic episode.

24. Sweetums

If Sweetums had rabies it would be like if the Incredible Hulk had rabies. You would have heard about it is what I’m saying.

23. Clifford

Unlike his gregarious stage persona, Clifford is your classic Hollywood hypochondriac/shut-in type. During the production of Muppets Tonight he wouldn’t let anyone make eye contact with him let alone touch or bite him.

22. Statler and Waldorf

Oh, they have it, but they don’t have teeth anymore, so you’re good.

21. Lew Zealand

Lew belongs to two of the most likely groups to contract and transmit the rabies virus—Muppets and New Zealand carny folk.

20. Gene

He may have it, we’re not sure. No one he’s bitten has lived long enough to become symptomatic.

19. Fozzie Bear

Fozzie is the insufferable sort of road dog comic who would sleep with a rabid raccoon just to have a story to tell on stage. Fear of rabies is one of many valid reasons for avoiding him.

18. Kermit the Frog

Frogs aren’t known to transmit rabies, but they aren’t known to fuck pigs either. Who knows what biological terrors his unholy coupling with Miss Piggy could spawn?

17. Bobo the Bear

As a lifestyle influencer Bobo is always trying weird raw meat diets and shunning Western medicine. It’s only a matter of time before he chomps into the wrong roadkill, neglects to seek medical attention, and goes berserk.

16. Beauregard

He’s more or less Bobo’s handler, so if he doesn’t have it already he will soon.

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