BALTIMORE — Researchers at Johns Hopkins University released a study today, proving that the average guitar player swallows up to eight guitar picks every year.…
MADISON, Wisc. — Local creep Leonard Finkle is under fire once again this week for his repeated and unprompted body positivity, this time regarding women’s…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Local man Jeremy Young brazenly ignored the opening band at a show last night at Club Aurora by looking at not one,…
RICHWOOD, W. Va. — Local punk Jesse Hallenbeck asked her family today what time Christmas dinner is supposed to go on at her grandma’s house…
SALEM, Mass. — The parents of goth teenager Thomas Sullivan are uncertain how to properly stuff their son’s fishnet Christmas stocking, sources close to the…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Greg and Marjorie Lamothe have begun the painstaking preparations for their son Jake, a philosophy major, to return home for the holidays,…
BALTIMORE — Infamous punk house “Crazz Manor” in Baltimore’s Waverly neighborhood was upgraded yesterday from a punk house to a crack house, drawing mixed reactions…
LA LUZ, N.M. — Zoe Rivas was reunited last night with her family’s premium cable subscription immediately upon returning to her parents’ house for a…
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. — Local man Mike Soder failed yesterday to share a reasonable conversation with his tattoo artist, running out of things to talk…
BOSTON — Boston Symphony Orchestra patrons were dismayed last night when a “complete poser” in attendance clapped after the first movement of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony,…
LODI, N.J. — A highly anticipated Christmas album from punk legends The Misfits consists primarily of songs about Halloween, multiple confused listeners confirmed. The album,…














