Hybrid cars sure are nifty! Being able to run on gas or battery power is perfect for people who feel kind of bad about exhaust pollution, but not bad enough to ride a bike or take public transportation. And also for people who just want to slink around at low speeds in complete, creepy silence for some reason.
Which type of hybrid driver are you? Take our helpful quiz to find out!
1. What’s the first thing people typically comment on when they see your car?
A. Uh, nothing, really. They’ve seen a lot of Honda CR-V’s before. Maybe the rack for our mountain bikes? It’s solid.
B. “Wait — is your entire windshield painted solid black? That seems illegal and extremely dangerous.”
2. Where are you usually headed in your hybrid car?
A. Work, the gym, maybe Home Depot on a Saturday. You know, the usual.
B. I am nowhere. I am everywhere. I am your vehicular phantom.
3. Let’s just get right down to it. Have people ever said there’s something “weird” or “creepy” about your car and your driving?
A. Nope. If anyone ever comments, it’s usually about how cute our senior dog Rex is. He loves sticking his head out the window.
B. Look, my silent entries into private lots and driveways are important stealth missions and the interlopers who keep calling the cops just don’t get it.
4. How do you feel about the warning sounds that hybrid cars make to alert pedestrians when they’re in electric mode?
A. Seems like a good feature. I love both reducing my greenhouse gas emissions and not committing manslaughter in a crowded Target parking lot.
b. My hot wiring guy ripped that out on day one. And the headlights. I will be neither heard nor seen. By night, I am a wolf. My distant piercing howl as I speed far away will be the only sign of my visit.
5. What music do you like listening to when driving?
A. Rock, folk, metal, hip-hop — whatever I’m in the mood for. Maybe even a podcast about the urgency of climate change.
B. The horrified and oddly melodic gasps of everyone who couldn’t hear my car coming.
6. Ever gotten a ticket?
A. I’ve coasted down a hill a little too fast a few times. Good ol’ gravity!
B. They can fling all the tickets they want for “trespassing.” I will continue to circle every local condo complex every night. I lean out the window in my balaclava and flap my giant wing sleeves made of genuine crow feathers. My car’s engine remains silent as a cemetery. My power is untouchable.
7. Finally, how’s your car’s fuel economy?
A. I’m getting a sweet 45-50 mpg on most trips, sometimes even more.
B. Huh?
Results:
Mostly A’s: Congratulations, you are the proud owner of a hybrid car that you purchased or leased for morally sound and economically logical reasons! Your worst flaw is getting a little bit smug when gas prices are especially high.
Mostly B’s: You definitely own a hybrid car only for low-speed silent creeping. We’re not allowed to give legal advice, but maybe should toss out whatever device you took this quiz on. Also, we hate to even suggest it, but maybe you should just go full electric?