Jay Chanoine
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November 2, 2019
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — Local vegan Jay Ortega openly wondered yesterday what the fuck he ever did to everybody after being…
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Patrick Coyne
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November 1, 2019
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — The deeply personal and profound meaning behind local man Trent Williams’ “actually not stupid or impulsive”…
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Dom Turek
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November 1, 2019
BALTIMORE — A new study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins University confirmed that the mysterious glow many women experience…
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John Dixon
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November 1, 2019
DAYTON, Ohio — Local car enthusiast Daniel Wagner learned yesterday that his customized 1998 Honda Civic is not yet “classic”…
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Dustin Meadows
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October 31, 2019
POMONA, Calif. — Trick-or-treaters visiting the haunted junkyard behind Old Man Clemens’ house were rewarded with rusted harmonicas handed out…
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Patrick Coyne
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October 31, 2019
BELLE ISLE, Fla. — Local goth Jess “Alexandria Ravenwood” Reynolds is heartbroken that her recently deceased aunt did not include…
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Joe Rumrill
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October 30, 2019
SYDNEY, Australia — Developers behind the popular mid-2000s peer-to-peer sharing platform Kazaa announced today that files labeled “Tom_Green_Sausage_Song_AudioREAL_FUNNY” will headline…
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Lauren Lavín
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October 30, 2019
AKRON, Ohio — Local fourth-grader Vincent “Vinny” Ortiz-Galt felt “I don’t know, just bad, I guess” about wearing a homemade…
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Louie Aronowitz
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October 30, 2019
AUSTIN, Texas — Pop-punk quartet Shapes and Sizes is enjoying their most fiscally stable tour yet, splitting expenses amongst the…
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John Dixon
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October 29, 2019
NEW YORK — The Hard Times ran out of small print and medium-sized print copies of their new book, “The…
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