Jeremy Kaplowitz
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March 28, 2020
ATLANTA — Musician, comedian, and actor Donald Glover released a vaccine he created for COVID-19 on his website donaldpresentsthecure.com at…
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James Knapp
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March 28, 2020
BOSTON — Local woman Farrah Johanson assured anyone who would listen yet again today that she is masturbating just as…
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Zach Russell
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March 28, 2020
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Department of Commerce issued a concerning report this morning, finding that 78% of American corporations are…
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John Danek
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March 27, 2020
PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — 16-year-old Misty Lebowitz carelessly endangered her much, much older and immunocompromised pop-punk singer boyfriend Scotty McDickers yesterday…
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Aidan Sears
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March 27, 2020
NEW YORK — National Guard Troops apprehended Iowa native and big-hearted dreamer Elieen Denham yesterday, dive-tackling her in front of…
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Kevin Tit
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March 27, 2020
MIAMI — Proto-punk legend Iggy Pop removed the torso section from his hazmat suit yesterday, designed to protect the aging…
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Patrick Coyne
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March 26, 2020
LOS ANGELES — “The Masked Singer” fans were shocked last night when the sassy, playful, incognito contestant Mr. Monster was…
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John Danek
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March 26, 2020
LOS ANGELES — Quarantined Los Angelino Freddy Garcia has spent a majority of his COVID-19 isolation time pleasuring himself to…
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PHILADELPHIA — Outspoken supporters of Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden, known as “Biden Bros,” are reportedly harassing potential voters via…
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Jerrod Kingery
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March 26, 2020
AUSTIN, Texas — Social media marketing manager Anthony Skipper forwarded a complaint about his tortimese housecat Nickels moments ago to…
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