Chris Jones
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April 26, 2020
WASHINGTON — The recently added census question, “What is your darkest fear?” has sparked confusion amongst citizens filling out the…
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James Knapp
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April 26, 2020
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Federal Government announced today that, due to a plummeting economy related to the COVID-19 pandemic, it…
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Kyle Stanley
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April 25, 2020
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Celebrated filmmaker Quentin Tarantino is not handling social isolation well and is allegedly getting very sick of…
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Patrick Coyne
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April 25, 2020
SPRINGFIELD, Va. — A surprising new study found that in reality, your cat’s voice sounds nothing like the lispy, insultingly…
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Justin Cox
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April 25, 2020
SEATTLE — Online retailer Amazon officially declared moral bankruptcy today thanks to their ongoing, unethical treatment of employees amid the…
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Lauren Lavín
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April 24, 2020
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Following the order to continue sheltering in place for the next 30 days, local woman Autumn…
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WHITTIER, Calif. — Administrators at the grossly understaffed Whittier Hospital Medical Center have hired former adult film performer Janine Lindemulder…
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Kyle Kelly-Yahner
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April 23, 2020
ST. LOUIS — Local punk Luke Koester downgraded his live-in romantic partner Samatha Tsai from “girlfriend” to “roommate” yesterday following…
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Taylor Roebuck
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April 23, 2020
LANSING, Mich. — Local punk Diana Spalsbury purchased 100 boxes of semi-permanent hair dye yesterday, just for the pair of…
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Tim Nash
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April 22, 2020
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local father Daniel Mercer had no choice but to rewatch the oft-overlooked ’90s sitcom “Becker” yesterday after…
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