LONDON – Sir Elton John formally unveiled plans in a press release last night to more fully live out the “Sir” in front of his…
OBERLIN, Ohio — Students in Oberlin College’s Feminist Epidemiology class were unable to focus during Professor Eric Shin’s “Commercialization of Ironic Misandry” lecture due to…
NEW YORK — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration recalled nearly 300 tons of raw denim earlier today after multiple reports from hipsters, fashionistas, and…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Lara Townsend, primary girlfriend of local polyamor Rick Walcott, has reluctantly decided that she, too, will now tote a hierarchy of lovers,…
TAMPA, Fla. — Death-metal band Cannibal Corpse and pop singer Nicki Minaj are working on a surprising collaboration birthed from a mutual appreciation of “ass…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local mother Robin Johnston saved money for three years to take her entire family on a week-long, all-inclusive guilt trip straight…
FREEHOLD, N.J. — High school junior Andy Moran gave his mother a Honey Clementine-scented Yankee Candle earlier today for Mother’s Day, a gift that, unbeknownst…
BOSTON — AggroNap, a noise machine sleep aid for people who grew up in broken homes, is set to hit the market after months of…
ELGIN, Ill. — Arthur McInerney, lead guitarist for the technical death metal band Magmarok, passed away Thursday following complications with Type 2 Diabetes, but not…
MONTCLAIR, N.J. — The newborn baby of local punks Kara and Brian Davis is not living up to the hype and high expectations set forth…
PHILADELPHIA — Residents of the Skam Houze punk squat in West Philadelphia held an intervention late Thursday night for recently-employed roommate Val Torres amid mounting…
Ever since early man first started fucking around on guitar, punk music has been reducible to three essential power chords. This trinity comprises the substrate…
MANCHESTER, N.H. — Longtime hardcore enthusiast Chuck Abraham alleged earlier today that, despite being advertised as “all ages,” last night’s show at The Bell Mouth…
GARDEN CITY, N.Y. — Local teenager Sammi Cooper reportedly has no way to play the mixtape gifted to her by pop-punk singer Ryan Hartley, and thus…
SHREVEPORT, La. — Goat Cadaver frontman and lyricist Jake Reid reportedly hit a wall in his songwriting process late last night after struggling to find…