COLUMBIA, S.C. — Fans attending a punk show at the Screaming Lizard last night encountered a solitary male whose arms appeared to be permanently crossed…
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — Katelyn Paskin suffered a minor concussion earlier today after losing consciousness in a severe asthma attack, despite a tattoo on her wrist…
NEWPORT, Ore. — When local punk Greg Denny looks directly into the sun during today’s eclipse without the aid of solar filters, it will likely…
LOS ANGELES — The California Film Commission has legalized hunting aspiring documentary filmmakers in order to control their rapidly growing population, effective immediately, according to…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Musicians of all genres met last night at the Cava Java Cafe to save a beloved mixed-media open mic from being taken…
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Former crust punk Howie Benson searched in vain earlier today for a way to hide his old, shitty tattoos before a mandatory…
WASHINGTON — Republicans are drafting a new Obamacare replacement bill that includes a clause removing children from their parents’ Netflix account after the age of…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Heavily pierced punk Kevin Avery has trapped a local woman in an unending, one-sided conversation, revealing a horrifying slew of opinions, according…
DURHAM, N.C. — High school teacher Eddie Dunn was named “coolest teacher in school” in the Mount Hills Senior High yearbook superlatives last year for…
CALGARY, Alta. — The debut tour of the revamped Tegan and Sara lineup, featuring Rome Ramirez in place of the departed Sara, has left fans…
PHILADELPHIA — Local pet owner Dylan Murphy could not find a suitable adoptive home for his beloved pet cockatoo last week, despite incessantly screaming “FREE…
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Supreme Court handed down a landmark decision yesterday preserving the rights of punk bands to cover pop music, regardless of how…
NEW YORK — President Trump promised this morning to bring five of the “best and loudest” dog whistle factories back to American soil, during a confrontational…
TUCSON, Ariz. –– Members of local pop-punk band Trashlings were advised by their GPS to avoid another disastrous tour altogether after nine hours of loading…
HAMILTON, N.Y. — Colgate University freshman and practicing Buddhist Devin Fredericks achieved a spiritual milestone last week after purchasing a poster from the campus bookstore…