Nick Ortolani
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WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence was hospitalized last night after seeing a Tampon commercial during his bi-weekly hour of…
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James Mahoney
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CHICAGO — Local anarcho-punk Noah Wallin claimed today that he is prepared to take the lives of Scottish indie-rock band…
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Stephen Bell
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TRENTON, N.J. — Mafioso and “ordinary dry cleaners operator” Eugenio “Two-Bean Gene” Bianchi underwent an unexpected and surprising sexual awakening…
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James Knapp
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LOS ANGELES — Writers for the police procedural/workplace sitcom “You Have the Write to Remain Sassy” are debating how flamboyantly…
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Patrick Crooks
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FALLS CHURCH, Va. — 36-year-old Michael Connelly’s sarcastic response moments ago to a demand from his parents effectively eliminated the…
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Louie Aronowitz
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SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk announced today that his startup Neuralink will be able to outfit humans with a brain…
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Griffin Constant
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PHILADELPHIA — Local man Ollie Harris forced down another five beers and a bunch of chips moments ago in an…
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Kevin Tit
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PHILADELPHIA — Local vegan Courtney Demming was pepper-sprayed by Philadelphia police during a peaceful protest yesterday, but declined the offer…
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Nick Ortolani
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BEND, Ore. — Armed MAGA patriot Kenneth Carter spent several days last week tracking a man over several miles in…
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Chuck Kowalski
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WASHINGTON — Billion-dollar event company Ticketmaster lobbied before Congress yesterday to add a “barely noticeable” $790-million service fee to the…
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