Dan Luberto
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NORWALK, Conn. — Local punk and low-ranking member of his friend group Brandon Smith is reportedly completely unaware of his…
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Mike Civins
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QUEENS, N.Y. — Aging metalhead Greg "Nailgun" Dellarose has replaced the patches on his battle vest with his important, personal…
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Theo Konstantino
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LEBANON, Ohio — After seeing hundreds of political posts that end with "let that sink in," local man Dick Babcock…
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Ella Gale
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CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. — Police detained NASA astronaut Charles Washington today as he boarded the Orion V spacecraft during launch…
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Mike Civins
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WASHINGTON — Luxury fashion designer Hugo Boss AG has been selected to create a bold, new uniform for Immigration and…
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Patrick Coyne
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ESSEX, Conn. — Former precocious teen Clarissa Darling has gone from “explaining it all” to spending the majority of her…
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Ella Gale
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Californians were warned today to protect themselves by staying both inside and outside, due to the ongoing risks associated with…
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Bobby Korec
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HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — Self-described “emo kid” and 40-year-old elementary school teacher Tucker Grating reminded his class today that when spelling…
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Dan Rice
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AMERICA — An overwhelming majority of rational Americans announced they were suddenly infected with hope, an emotion thought to be…
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Brett McCabe
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong awakened from a sleep-filled September to the unbelievable news that President…
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