Patrick Coyne
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February 14, 2021
SHERMER, Ill. — A heavily scripted and complex romantic gesture made by local man Chase Stratford last week reportedly swept…
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Aviva Siegel
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February 14, 2021
MADISON, Wisc. — Derek Carlson surprised his girlfriend Jessica Kravtsova today with the gift of allowing her to make all…
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Krissy Howard
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February 14, 2021
MIAMI — Local holiday and generally despised time of the year, Valentine’s Day, is determined to absolutely destroy one of…
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Ted Pillow
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February 13, 2021
ST. LOUIS — Local man Brian Dorney’s Valentine’s Day preparations allegedly revolve exclusively around convincing his girlfriend that 1988 classic…
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Patrick Crooks
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February 13, 2021
UNKNOWN — Survivors of Icelandair Flight 198, which crashed somewhere deep in the Arctic tundra last week, lauded vegan survivor…
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Zac Lux
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February 13, 2021
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Aging punk and generally anxious person in a Misfits T-shirt Hollie Wallace parked super far away from…
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John Danek
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February 12, 2021
BETHESDA, Md. — “Duplicitous catfisher” and clearly regular homo sapien Colleen Jansen disappointed prospective love match Dominic Sabatino yesterday after…
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Issa Diao
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February 12, 2021
HENDERSON, Nev. — Local punk Vince Cannon applauded the proposed raising of the minimum wage to $15 an hour, as…
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Ramona Apthorp
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February 11, 2021
LOS ANGELES — Local trans woman Ruby Aldorff posted a picture of herself eating a hotdog on Instagram yesterday, desperate…
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Patrick Coyne
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February 11, 2021
WARREN, Mich. — Millennial Jamie Thorpe suffered a retail-induced panic attack yesterday after hearing several beloved bands from her youth…
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