WARRINGTON, Pa. — Local man and guy who “maybe enjoys an occasional drink, no big deal” Dennis Walsh realized yesterday that alcoholism is the only…
BALTIMORE — Local parents Mark and Susan Finkleburg skillfully avoided an emotional conversation with their child Mark Jr. last week by sneakily replacing his beloved…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local singer-songwriter Vince Valdez is less than a dozen woke Tweets away from eclipsing the massive amount of sexual assault allegations he…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 30-year-old and former band girlfriend Jenna Nuccio was delighted to realize yesterday that she’s finally aged out of dating local musicians,…
BOSTON — Local woman Jenna Jenkins allegedly made uncomfortable small talk with herself yesterday while self-administering a haircut at home, sources making an embarrassing attempt…
NASHVILLE — Local man and cowboy boots enthusiast Kyle Wilkinson had a brief, steamy encounter with an acoustic dreadnought guitar at a “socially-distanced house party”…
PORTLAND — Anxious roommate Megan Styers allegedly adorned every door in her house with a post-it note bearing only the word “sorry,” “just in case…
PITTSBURGH — Local attorney and hair metal fanatic Rourke Caldwell asked a jury this morning to consider the “landmark case of Roth v. Hagar” when…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local musician Wes Feltus is allegedly receiving ill-placed sympathy from friends who assume his income came from playing music until the COVID-19…
LOS ANGELES — The hit animated sitcom “Family Guy” is celebrating 20 seasons this year as America’s top choice for something to have on in…
DORAL, Fla. — Professional swimwear model and University of Miami co-ed Sarah Nguyen has sadly found her countless attempts at friend-requesting new and interesting people…
CHAUNCEY, Ohio — 11-year-old Boy Scout Albie Tamari is reportedly just one cigarette away from earning the highly esteemed Nicotine Patch to add to his…
IDAHO FALLS, Idaho — The three-month-old and, until now, extremely sexually charged relationship between Tom Paulsey and Dawn Sunland finally de-escalated last night into watching…
VANCOUVER — Famed musician and celebrity interviewer Nardwuar the Human Serviette has nearly finished his quest to dump his scratched, broken, warped, or otherwise unplayable…
RACINE, Wisc. — Local woman Madison Kemper nearly reached her breaking point with Tinder last night after receiving yet another unsolicited fish pic, sources close…