BOULDER, Colo. — Unpopular yet devastating virus COVID-19 announced it will be partnering with Mass Shootings in a co-headlining killing…
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Chandler Dean
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EARTH — The entire world was devastated to learn Friday that, because of a general oversight on humanity’s part, the…
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Kevin Flynn
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WASHINGTON — As the infection rates and death counts throughout the nation continue to slowly creep upwards, citizens throughout the…
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Dan Vanderpool
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OAKLAND, Calif. — The local Oakland hardcore scene announced today that it will collectively convert to being a heavily tattooed…
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Patrick Crooks
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WASHINGTON — Independent venue owner Joe Englert panicked early yesterday morning after realizing he’s left sound guy Jake Montgomery locked…
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Rachel Higgins
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BOSTON — Local woman Jenna Jenkins allegedly made uncomfortable small talk with herself yesterday while self-administering a haircut at home,…
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Tom Peters
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COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local musician Wes Feltus is allegedly receiving ill-placed sympathy from friends who assume his income came from…
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Patrick Coyne
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SHERMER, Ill. — A heavily scripted and complex romantic gesture made by local man Chase Stratford last week reportedly swept…
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Krissy Howard
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MIAMI — Local holiday and generally despised time of the year, Valentine’s Day, is determined to absolutely destroy one of…
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Patrick Crooks
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ANAHEIM, Calif. — Yesterday’s funeral program for recently deceased Nathan Rivard was the most fun his friends have had since…
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