Hey bud, haven’t seen you around in a while, oh, you’ve been isolating! Didn’t know you could wait tables from home, ha ha. Wait, you…
PIKETON, Ohio — A Dell XPS desktop computer belonging to the Piketon Public Library is starting to get nervous upon hearing reports that remote learning…
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — Local crust punk Lou “Canker Sore” Schultz revised his bucket list to include getting a disease named after him in an…
So you’re feeling a bit under the weather after a recent motorcycle rally. Should you take a Covid test? Why bother! Those tests are about…
MONTGOMERY, Ala. — Countless sources from around the world are reportedly still unsure why anything is going back to happening in person and why anyone…
BETHESDA, Md. — Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, recently gave approval for venues to continue the common…
NEW YORK — Masked poser Cecilia Munoz was relieved she didn’t have to pretend to know the words at a recent Turnstile show last Thursday…
The vaccine debate isn’t going anywhere. Thankfully, I’ve never had to participate in any of it because my lifelong commitment to a poison-free lifestyle is…
CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE, Fla. — Cultural Icon and noted serial killer Jason Voorhees was reportedly bullied out of infamous Florida summer camp Camp Crystal Lake…
AUSTIN, Texas — An algorithm designed to protect public school children from inappropriate content has suspended the Zoom account of Hillsummit Elementary School’s health teacher,…
BELLINGHAM, Wash. — Local punk house cat The Little Guy is reportedly furious at the return of house shows to the area and the loud,…
BOISE, Idaho — A man suffering from COVID-19 after refusing a vaccination drew ire from other patients by spreading his legs across two ICU beds,…
LOS ANGELES — Local man Peter Thurman is pretty certain nobody can tell he frequently uses his COVID mask as a cloth napkin for yet-to-be…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local venue Breezy Steve’s Beer Barn now requires attendees to show proof of showering before they enter the venue, according to sources…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local man Clay Horton briefly paused fellating a complete stranger at a glory hole in an area gay bar to inquire if…