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7 Patriotic Signs and Symptoms You Have the Freedom Flu

So you’re feeling a bit under the weather after a recent motorcycle rally. Should you take a Covid test? Why bother! Those tests are about as accurate as the results of the 2020 presidential election. Plus, they are literally made of 1,000 tiny microchips in the form of a nasal swab–I heard about it on Parler!

Besides, have some pride in potentially catching the Freedom Flu. That’s right, we’re taking it back! There is nothing more American than being diagnosed with a preventable, potentially deadly illness because you chose not to get vaccinated or wear a face diaper.

It is your God-given RIGHT to get sick, cost the (deep state) healthcare system thousands of dollars, and downplay the disease’s severity if you survive. That is what our founding fathers fought for!

So, how can you tell if you’ve earned the Freedom Flu? Don’t worry, fellow patriot, we’ve got you covered. This comprehensive list of signs and symptoms will help you determine if you’ve joined the ranks of millions of Americans and contracted this badge of honor.

1. Courageous Coughing
The first sign of Freedom Flu is a cough so persistent, you couldn’t even stop if someone said “the next person who coughs hates Jesus.”

2. Tenacious Trouble Breathing
Does every breath feel like a struggle to you? Are you gasping each inhale like you just heard your child’s school is teaching critical race theory? This may be a sign of Freedom Flu.

3. Spreadeagle Sore Throat
Remember how sore your throat felt the day after you spent 5 hours screaming at a Trump rally back in 2016? Well, the Freedom Flu feels a lot like that, and is just as ‘Murican.

4. Fearless Fever
Much like our troops, this fever will NOT STAND DOWN, no matter how many things you throw at it. But unlike our troops, your AR-15 is no use in this battle. Maybe horse medicine will help? If it’s good enough for Dr. Joe Rogan, MD, PhD, and Nobel Prize-winning scientist Aaron Rodgers , then it’s probably worth a shot!

5. Boldly American Body Aches
If every muscle in your body feels like your suped-up F150 (with Truck Nutz) just drove head-on into you, that could be a symptom you’ve come down with the sickness.

6. Proud Parosmia
Did you lose your sense of smell? Well, yeehaw brother, because that’s a pretty solid sign your immune system is partying with Freedom Flu. Time to turn on some Morgan Wallen, crack open a cold one, and not drink it because it smells like rotten sewage and tastes like shit now.

7. Democracy Death
Holy hell, did you rack up so much Freedom Flu that you actually died!? Well good on you Christian soldier! It takes the tried-est and truest American patriot to succumb to pure freedom and complications of pneumonia. Now for your eternal reward, first dibs on the best seats in heaven before the rest of us get there after the rapture!