ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local punk Ivan Gomez gingerly set his “Meat Is Murder” T-shirt today into a new drawer set aside for band shirts he…
JACKSON, Miss. — Loyal Smiths fan Jaden Woods is desperately pushing a conspiracy theory that the real Morrissey died decades ago, and the politically controversial…
PORTLAND, Ore. — An autographed, vinyl copy of Morrissey’s album “You Are The Quarry” sold on Discogs.com for 30 euros less than an unsigned copy…
LOS ANGELES — The International Committee for Problematic Favorites announced today that die-hard defenders of Morrissey have won the 2019 gold medal in mental gymnastics,…
On the eve of Morrissey’s historic 300th cancelled performance, the mercurial legend flaked on soundcheck to instead sit down with us and reflect on the…
LOS ANGELES — A fully naked Morrissey surprised fans this morning by cancelling an impromptu shower singing session due to inclement water temperature in a…
The Hard Times is taking the rare step of publishing an anonymous Op-Ed essay. We have done so at the request of the author, a…
Stephen Patrick Morrissey has touched thousands of fans, figuratively speaking. Vegans love him. Your one friend who still wears Members Only jackets loves him. But…
He’s really here, isn’t he? Oh sweet mother of Christ, no! Only reason I came here was so I could complain about Morrissey not being…
LONDON — Morrissey announced today the cancellation of an upcoming Frank Ocean concert, creating much confusion amongst fans and promoters, production sources confirmed. The former…
CHICAGO — Morrissey fan Elspeth Carter tucked a pair of earplugs into her jacket last night in prep for his upcoming concert, to protect herself…
LOS ANGELES — Dozens of victims came forward this past weekend with completely nonsexual harassment accusations against iconic singer Morrissey. Nikita Whelms, a stagehand at…
LOS ANGELES — Surgeons at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center completed an experimental procedure this morning, adding extra ribs to Morrissey’s aging body to prevent him…
ORANGE COUNTY, Ca – Organizers for emo festival When We Were Young recently announced that they had landed a coveted Morrissey cancellation as their headlining…
LOS ANGELES — Morrissey begrudgingly signed for another shipment of Emergen-C early this morning from fans desperately trying to keep the aging performer in good…