SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery after standing at the…
WASHINGTON — President Biden signed a sweeping new bill into law earlier today which will finally address the issue of student loan debt relief by…
BERKELEY, Calif. — ‘90s alt-rock band Counting Crows finally announced the subject of their hit song “Mr. Jones” is none other than Dr. Henry Walton…
LOS ANGELES — Members of the paparazzi are reportedly devastated to learn that popstar Britney Spears was being exploited for years through a conservatorship, without…
WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Seminal poet-punk band the Weakerthans held their first unofficial reunion since their 2014 hiatus during a recent meeting of adjunct faculty for…
Here’s a parenting question for you all: At what age do you tell your child that they are expected to give up on their greatest…
MINNEAPOLIS — 1994’s “Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal” Grammy nominee Soul Asylum announced that they never actually disbanded in case…
BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left one employee dead and a…
SEATTLE — A coalition of ‘90s doctors announced this morning that fully vaccinated individuals are safe to peruse each other’s overstuffed CD binders in a…
CHICAGO — Local man and self-proclaimed foodie Harry Blanks unhinged his jaw like a Burmese Python in order to take a bite of the coveted…