LOS ANGELES — The holographic image of late heavy metal icon Ronnie James Dio has broken away from its original programming and is now working…
SUGAR LAND, Texas — New homeowner and devoted metalhead Eric Bronson replaced the out-of-date shag carpet in his living room yesterday, installing a fresh layer…
ADDISON, Texas — Addison Fellowship Community Church parishioners are lamenting allowing local metal band Cryptic Martyr to use their sanctuary for the band’s new music…
CLEVELAND — Recently formed metal band Blood & Soil has forgone music as its first public release, instead issuing formal remarks apologizing for every band…
LOS ANGELES — B.C. Rich, a company famous for making electric guitars popular in the heavy metal music scene, will expand into manufacturing classical instruments,…
PITTSBURGH — Local man Samuel Burke was reportedly unsure when to name drop heavy metal band Sepultura to the tow truck operator who hauled Burke’s…
OSLO, Norway — Local guitarist Evan “Blood Vacuum” Brulend upset his bandmates yesterday when a filtering mishap revealed his corpse paint stopped just below his…
CHICAGO — Levi Tanaka, bassist and lead vocalist of technical death metal band Rodeus, issued an apology today via Facebook Live for “Decimate the Weak…
NEW YORK — Dr. Mark Miller turned down a homemade mask today that could help protect him from COVID-19 after seeing that it featured album…
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention introduced new guidelines today to help quell the spread of COVID-19 by retroactively banning groups of…
WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD It’s not very often we get such a cataclysmic symbiosis of metal and tomfoolery in one cult classic movie, and when…
LOS ANGELES — Local metalhead Layne Medema spoke with a representative from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention hotline for well over an hour…
OSLO, Norway — Local black metal frontman “Iscariot” allegedly saw nothing but his own shallow reflection in a Rorschach test administered yesterday by a psychiatrist,…
CLEVELAND — Alleged metal band Gore God are under scrutiny from the worldwide heavy metal community today after it was discovered they don’t have a…
OSLO, Norway — The brand new, all-black metal streaming platform “Corpsify +” is responsible for the brutal deaths of eight Norwegian black metal fans, despite…