Let’s be real — age is just a number. What’s great is that it can be any number you want, depending on how much responsibility…
LOS ANGELES — 40-year-old IT worker Shane Bryce realized yesterday that he can’t imagine a time in his life where reading an entire book would…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local 20-somethings Ashton Knoll and Kevin Stohl were approved yesterday for a second mortgage on their fiddle leaf fig tree, which the…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local 33-year-old Darrell Ornsby realized yesterday that “the universe is a lie and life is a joke” as he transferred a load…
MARQUETTE, Mich. — Local resident Jessica Stabley recently watched 85 episodes of a television series she doesn’t even like, purely due to quarantine-induced boredom, sources…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Those invited to celebrate the marriage of punk drummer Scotty Corless and slaughterhouse foreman Anna “Slander” Dietrich are reportedly not bothering to…
ATLANTA — Emergency Medical Technician Avery Jamison searched through his Spotify playlist for several minutes yesterday before administering chest compressions to a civilian going through…
MILWAUKEE — Local punk Doug Reece is surprised and deeply troubled that he has lived long enough for his metabolism to decrease so significantly, according…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Local woman and “legitimate fucking moron who acts like she’s better than everyone all of a sudden” Wendy Montoya allegedly enacted some…
ROCHESTER, Minn. — Severed Reason bassist Corbin Gallo was taken off life support yesterday when doctors realized that the notifications tracking his various vitals were…
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Shelby Walsh announced yesterday that she’s “turned over a new leaf,” rebranding her tumultuous personal life as “her journey,” several…
NEW YORK — Local man Conor McLaughlin took to the internet yesterday to find a low-cost, DIY hack to help him his fix an issue…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Vivid Nightmare frontman Liam Flaherty is unsure whether his 15 years participating in his local hardcore scene served to his benefit or utter…
AUCKLAND, N.Z. — Property developers demolishing iconic local venue the Queens Arms sold the impossibly sticky floor to an international flypaper manufacturer on Wednesday, as…
LOS ANGELES — Described by loved ones as “charismatic,” “fun,” “unpredictable,” and “always the life of the party,” Clark Tomlinson passed away last night at…