FRESNO, Calif. — Local golden retriever DeeDee is utterly ashamed at owner Ben “Stank Beav” Carlisle’s insistence on dragging his itchy, bare ass on their…
MANCHESTER, N.H. — A small portion of a box of Crest White Strips is being tasked with undoing the damage that comes with eight years…
I don’t want to brag, but I have figured out the secret to life. I know how to keep it all together, now. It’s not…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local woman and dedicated shower pisser Esme Hill reportedly held her urine in longer than usual on Tuesday night so she…
TORONTO — Crust punk Seth Ulrich tragically bled to death yesterday after making the unfortunate decision to floss his teeth for the first time in…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Dave Landers received the COVID-19 vaccine on Thursday and is now looking forward to never, ever washing his hands again, according…
No economist could have predicted the year toilet paper had in 2020. There were weeks-long stretches when shelves were completely empty. But did you know…
Ooo, I’ve never had mugwort/wormwood tea, but I’m excited to try! This is the perfect way to end a great first date. Though, I have…
It’s hard to envision how society will look in a post coronavirus world. Maybe everything will be fine, or maybe this disease will wipe us…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — 26-year old DIY punk and scene fixture Jax Williamson will use dental floss to fix almost anything other than their oral hygiene…
SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Local slob Brian Helmes decreed today that the T-shirt he’s worn under his hoodie for the past 17 days is still clean,…
NEW PALTZ, N.Y. — Local man Aaron Mendle simply wet his hair in the sink yesterday and wrapped a towel around his waist when he…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local show-goer Tommy Gill was informed by irate staff at Fitzie’s Pub last night that the item he used as a bidet…
DENVER — Local anomaly and known dirtbag David Gunther has perplexed a team of scientists with his disgust at the hypothetical prospect of a woman…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — The body odors of local DIY soapmaker Joseph Silvercat have become unbearably disruptive to those sharing his apartment, according to sources within…