Ooo, I’ve never had mugwort/wormwood tea, but I’m excited to try! This is the perfect way to end a great first date.
Though, I have to ask, did you just move in? I totally understand if like, you didn’t have time to put everything away and clean. But, ummm… if this is the way your apartment is all the time, I’m more than a little disappointed. Damn.
My Tinder bio clearly stated that I’m looking for a “big, tidy goth chick” and yet, I’m looking at a used fork just sitting on your couch. I thought I was pretty clear. Look at that! It’s just laying on the pillow. How does one become such a slob? Is that mold on your ceiling? Ok, I’m putting my mask back on. And to think that I was concerned about coronavirus when the real threat was my very real mold allergy/phobia.
Big “tiddy” goth chick? First off, that’s not even how you spell “titty.” I should know, I’ve been Google searching that word for decades now. And quite frankly, I’m appalled that you would think that I could be so superficial.
I would never demand breasts of a certain size in a partner. Yes, I see them, and they are in fact huge knockers. And that’s awesome. You know what else is awesome? Being able to walk 2 steps on your living room floor without tripping over a… what is this a thigh master? Do they still make these? Why do you have this?
Oh my god, the carpet is worse! There are clearly bits of Cooler Ranch Doritos all over the place. Do you have a cat? NO? Then how is this place covered in so much fur? There are mounds of mystery fur in here, and yet you don’t have a cat? Get Sherlock Holmes in on this mystery.
Woah, ok. Yes I see them. Please put your breasts away. And do you have any hand sanitizer? I’m going to need some after I walk out of this virus den. I have officially been catfished. And it smells like literal catfish in here.