Caroline Smith
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HENDERSON, Nev. — Local goth Amarantha Obsidian blew her entire October grocery budget on novelty Halloween socks from Spirit Halloween…
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Ben Friedman
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NEPTUNE, N.J. — Local supermarket cashier and goth Trish Sommers filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against her employer after her…
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Dan Rice
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For kids, Halloween is all about candy. For parents, it’s an opportunity to show said children that Mommy and Daddy…
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Dustin Meadows
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WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Canadian classic rock band Bachman-Turner Overdrive announced around the crack of noon that they will not be…
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Dianne Nora
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CINCINNATI — Your Mom is wondering if you'll be home for her annual 4th of July barbecue, or if you'll…
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Khadija Hassan
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SEATTLE — Neighborhood watch app Nextdoor crashed early this afternoon after users self-snitched on their own Fourth of July barbeque…
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James Knapp
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SANDUSKY, Ohio — Local punk Curtis “Copkiller” Richards reportedly ceased his habit of constant slander against the United States while…
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UNITED STATES — 2021 calendars across the country report that Christmas is only 183 mass shootings away, sources who are…
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Dan Kozuh
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CEDAR HILLS, Ore. — Local casually practicing Wiccans Lois and Timothy Webb told friends earlier this week that, while they…
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Ryan Danley
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PHOENIX — Local punk and licensed therapist Dr. Tim “Roach” Rochestky, LPCC, suggested that a patient kick his square fuckhead…
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