NEW YORK — Adam Lefler, singer/songwriter and frontman for the emo-punk trio Forever Tuesday, is transitioning from an unsuccessful frontman to an even less successful…
CHICAGO — A paper wristband used to denote patrons of legal drinking age was applied in an appallingly lackluster fashion during a show last night…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — An adjunct lecturer of American Studies at Santa Monica City College strongly hinted to his class this morning that he had…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local crust-punk Richard Andre married his roommate Morgan Atwell yesterday in a romantic ceremony in which he passed his contagious ringworm infection…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — EMT student Lindsay Taugida set a record yesterday during a class test in reaching 220 beats-per-minute while performing CPR, officials at the…
AMERICA — Parents nationwide went into a frenzy yesterday when a dangerous new party drug swept across their Facebook pages, multiple panicked sources confirmed. The…
CHARLEROI, Pa. — Self-proclaimed digital activist Rich Costen is “totally and happily” unaware that not one of his Facebook friends follows his account on the…
CHICAGO — Morrissey fan Elspeth Carter tucked a pair of earplugs into her jacket last night in prep for his upcoming concert, to protect herself…
THE INTERNET — A Facebook friend of yours, whom you vaguely recall from high school, couldn’t be more excited to share an exciting, not-at-all predatory…
BOULDER, Colo. — Scientists at the University of Colorado have confirmed that marijuana severely impairs the ability to grasp tasteful interior decoration, according to a…
SEATTLE — Online retail behemoth Amazon will roll out their new “Glory Hole” home subscription service this month in select U.S. cities, representatives confirmed. “Customers…
PHILADELPHIA — Local dog Scraps was completely unable to answer basic trivia questions yesterday about the seminal horror-punk band Misfits, despite wearing the band’s merchandise…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Bobby “Fingers” Randall, lead guitarist for The Horny Wombats, acquired a PowerTone WRV-189 Digital Wireless System last week, enabling him to…
CHICAGO — FBI agents arrested several individuals last night connected to a nationwide drink ticket counterfeiting ring, concluding a year-long, deep cover investigation, officials confirmed.…
MARLBORO, N.J. — Siblings Liam and Jenna Fry were stunned last night to find that their father’s old band, A Jet Black Static, still had…