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Man In Airport Willing to Pay Anything for Worst Sandwich He’s Ever Had

LOS ANGELES — Australian commuter Daniel O’Connor spent $17 out of desperation yesterday during a layover at LAX for the worst sandwich he’s reportedly ever had, sorely disappointed sources have confirmed.

“The protein bar I found in my carry-on and the children’s serving of pretzels they gave me on the plane wore off a long time ago, so I had to find something to eat… and it was between this sandwich, and a $13 salad with what looked like American cheese, so I still think I made the better choice,” a visibly perturbed O’Connor said of the turkey club on white bread he reluctantly chose from a refrigerated area. “But these capitalistic airport cunts are extorting us. Look at this ‘sandwich’ — I’ve seen fresher pork at a cop’s funeral. They’re using my hunger and desperation against me. Do you think I would have bought this thing otherwise? This is a bloody shakedown.”

Los Angeles International Airport employee Carla Williams, who has worked at the airport for the last six months, confirmed O’Connor’s irritation.

“When I told him his order total he visibly flinched, and grew angry when he learned taxes aren’t included in America,” Williams explained. “Frankly, I wasn’t sure if he was going to hit me, but he gave a sigh of defeat and handed me his credit card. It happens all the time, and to be honest, that sigh is one of the only things that brings me joy each day.”

While O’Connor is not alone in his frustration, some take a more positive outlook — that the opportunity to eat overpriced trash may be one to appreciate.

“Well, of course you’re gonna wanna stay away from the pre-packaged tripe they call sustenance. That goes without saying,” said self-proclaimed travel expert Mikela Tanner. “But where else are you also going to drink beer at 7 a.m. in sweatpants without any judgement? Personally, the only other place I can do that is in my mom’s basement when my step dad is away on golf trips. It’s all about perspective.”

In related news, a number of New York Thruway commuters reluctantly purchased lunch yesterday from a service area Arby’s, even though Arby’s hasn’t been in business since 2004.