Mark Hassenfratz
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QUEENS, N.Y. — Patrons of neighborhood dive The Rowdy Owl discovered yesterday that potentially contracting COVID-19 was the least dangerous…
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CHICAGO — Fast food behemoth McDonald’s announced today that they will remove the McRib from their menu worldwide to enable…
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Doug Francisco
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BALTIMORE — Local barista Eli McDermott's home is now completely furnished with the cast-off old furniture of his rich friend…
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Billy Patterson
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PHILADELPHIA — Local bassist Aaron Scherzinger realized today that he only needs to murder two or three of his bandmates…
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Dan Kozuh
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LOS ANGELES — The holographic image of late heavy metal icon Ronnie James Dio has broken away from its original…
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Laura Merli
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ELIZABETH, N.J. — Local terrier mix Baxter Mitmann wasted his incredible gift yet again this morning of being physically able…
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Alan Khanukaev
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SAN DIEGO — Local man Lyle Vaughn covered up his beloved Keith Morris-era Black Flag tattoo yesterday with the more…
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John Danek
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LINCOLN, Neb. — Researchers at The University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s Department of Psychology have found that setup phrases such as, “News…
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Jerrod Kingery
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EDGARTOWN, Mass. — Residents of the popular New England summer destination Martha’s Vineyard reported that a local coot and grizzled…
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Patrick Coyne
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ANDALUSIA, Pa. — A group of preteen boys playing in the woods yesterday were “totally meh” after stumbling upon a…
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