WASHINGTON — President Trump reversed this morning an Obama-era policy limiting the amount of guitar solos butt rock bands could include in a single song,…
PARAMUS, N.J. – Publishing company Marion-Waxslaw released the revised 3rd edition of its Pop-Punk Rhyming Dictionary earlier this week, expanded to encompass nearly eight full…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local father Brett Donaldson let everyone at Disneyland know yesterday that “…he’s no fucking pussy” by proudly wearing his Hatebreed shirt on…
NEW YORK — Famed film auteur Wes Anderson unceremoniously announced today that his next movie would be about “a sad guy watching birds or some…
CHICAGO — Local man Mason Townsend is in stable condition this morning after being bit by an aggressive crust punk and involuntarily sprouting a dreadlock,…
WATKINS GLEN, N.Y. — Organizers behind Woodstock 50 abruptly canceled the festival after discovering the desired location was already booked for a little league baseball…
FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. — A bowl of overnight oats successfully converted last week into a barely recognizable “glob of total shit” nearly one month…
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. — A 20-year-old threat made by Blink-182 frontman Mark Hoppus about fucking your mom is suddenly more realistic than ever following your parents’…
DURHAM, N.C. — James Polk High School maintenance workers found yesterday an extensive collection of vintage hacky sacks, some accidentally kicked onto the roof over…
KINGSTON, Mass. — A hardcore matinee show scheduled for this afternoon is reportedly indefinitely delayed until promoters can adequately stock the cash box to make…
JACKSON, Miss. — A Department of Sanitation report released early this morning stated that giant piles of garbage in passenger seats of messy cars across…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — University of Michigan student Philip Bryant found a near-perfect guitar tab yesterday for Sublime’s “Santeria,” save for the tempo, tuning, and…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix surprised subscribers today by releasing the entirety of its original, 1,200-part documentary This Happens Everywhere, chronicling the Catholic Church’s abuse…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Sun Kil Moon frontman Mark Kozelek made his first appearance on The Late Late Show with James Corden last night, joining Corden…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — UNCG sophomore Dylan Godsin, already known to many on campus as “hat guy,” made a major play yesterday for the additional mantle…