ALLSTON, Mass. — Residents of a basement apartment on Gardner Street are counting on a single, $5 tub of spackle to repair multiple doors, walls,…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local woman Poppy Kellison’s symptoms of seasonal depression were dismissed as “nothing” yesterday when compared to the emotional havoc wreaked upon her…
RENO, Nev. — Touring hardcore outfit Hammer Envy received a single, damp towel last night to share amongst the four of them while staying at…
ATLANTA — Delta Airlines flight attendant Moses Ray dedicated yesterday’s routine flight to Chicago to “the real mother fuckers in coach” during an impassioned pre-flight…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — 33-year-old pop-punk frontman Danny Huerta has reportedly been cast out of the scene he helped build after he was outed late…
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Butthole Canyon frontman Richie Butthole increasingly regrets his chosen stage name, now that he is approaching his mid-30s, sources close to the…
LANSING, Mich. — Local OSHA inspector Gary Branville found an upsettingly high number of blatant safety violations in the latest edition of the popular “Construction…
WASHINGTON — Members of Congress kindly took time last week to hold a Town Hall-style meeting and explain the complexity of the gun control debate…
ROCKVILLE CENTRE, N.Y. -— Touring Minneapolis band FLATPOINT spent much of their set last night informing their Long Island audience that the 30°F weather was,…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Crust-punk presidential candidate Leo “Swamp” Marsh revealed plans today to slash employment opportunities during an impassioned campaign speech held in vacant hotel…
CHICAGO — Impish, iconoclastic musician Björk utterly vanished in plain sight last night after allegedly being tricked into uttering “kröjb” aloud during her concert, several…
MARRAKESH, Morocco — An archaeological discovery made outside of Marrakesh yesterday places the extinction of punk rock at roughly 8,000 B.C.E., stunned researchers confirmed. The…