AKRON, Ohio — New local venue The Roach Trap has set the DIY punk scene ablaze with its endless amenities, including a kitchen, bedrooms, and…
RICHMOND, Va. — Members of the disbanded hardcore group Surge Protector reunited in secret last night to discuss ending their retirement to make one last…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Right Cross frontman Tony Cooper went well out of his way last night to make sure everyone attending his band’s show was…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders would not stop yelling at sound guy Ethan Gardner about “Medicare for All” during a campaign rally…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — 26-year-old data scientist Ricky LeBlanc reportedly impressed party guests last night by opening their beers with the butt end of his…
LOS ANGELES — ’90s electronica artist Moby dismissed today the negative statements you allegedly made about him on a friends’ Instagram post, with the musician…
ENDICOTT, N.Y. — A small punk community in central New York officially ran out of new scene members to fuck late yesterday evening, sources who…
MADRID — Valeria Lopez, the oldest millennial in the world, died late last night at the age of 39 following complications from a recent surgery,…
ATLANTA — And Weeping Solemnly, The Cherubs Affixed Their Gaze merch guy Luis Flores admitted today he hopes to join the band onstage soon, as…
DUBLIN, Calif. — A single pillar located inside the Voodoo Lounge allegedly has a physics-defying ability to block patrons’ view no matter where they stood,…
BRANSON, Mo. — Local woman Kimberly Feldman, currently chained to a pipe in the basement of a wanted kidnapper/murderer, acquired just enough WiFi reception this…
SEATTLE — Local singer/songwriter Brant Miller released a conceptual folk-pop epic today that’s clearly about getting back with his ex-girlfriend, confirmed sources who just listened…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Rot Snockets tour manager Benjamin Underhall was fired today following his indictment on charges he withheld significant amounts of the bands’ drink…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Tour manager and merch guy Danny MacDonough was confused last night when a fan attempted to steal a sticker that was…
FUCK FUCK FUCK: Internet Tough Guy Also Actual Tough Guy
DETROIT — Reddit user Gary Johannson accidentally messed yesterday with the one tough guy on the Internet who wasn’t lying, unintentionally putting Johannson in the…