WARRINGTON, Pa. — Local man Bryan Walsh is terrified and “jumping to insane conclusions” this morning after his father, commercial electrician Murray Walsh, cryptically said…
NEW YORK — 26-year-old alleged Gambino crime family mobster James “Woke Jimmy” Scotto sent a business associate a Venmo request yesterday with a threatening fish…
PORTLAND, Maine. — The intro track of doom metal band Bleak Altar’s newest album is either an “artful, slow burn” or “complete waste of 12…
PARAMUS, N.J. — Musician Dan Beck has been repeatedly playing the same part of the Pavement song “Silence Kid” in a local Guitar Center throughout…
Dear Scabby: I’m a British man who’s 27 in just over a year and currently lives with his parents because he no longer has a…
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. — Sugar Ray vocalist and TV personality Mark McGrath admitted today that he now embraces being called “Sugar Gay” after years of…
[Ed note: Leaving the Iggy Pop obit in the draft folder. Great idea to get this written up ahead of time. I mean, have you…
DUBLIN — A local moron obviously blind to his own idiocy stood around last night with a brand-new Gildan shirt wadded up in his clammy…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local adventurer Melissa Carter will leave her base camp by the big water jug on the bar later this evening to go…
DULUTH, Minn. — A new report released today in the New England Journal of Medicine claims that the feeling of being in love with someone…
PEORIA, Ill. — Local guitarist Matt Carlton asked his Sweetwater sales rep today to be in his wedding as his best man in a truly…
LOS ANGELES — Garage-rock frontman Julian Wood asked a casual female acquaintance yesterday for naked photos in an effort to save a flailing conversation, Wood…
TRENTON, N.J. — Local hardcore band Open Sesame debuted a unique and unprecedented combination of tunings at their inaugural show last night, witnesses who lamented…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local woman and online shopper Darla Castro is reconsidering her lack of children after a search for her favorite band’s shirt yielded only…
BOSTON — Philosophy major Patrick Cartelli returned yesterday from three months studying abroad in London with several new mannerisms, including an insistence on spelling “poser”…