Recently, Henry Rollins, acclaimed actor from the 1994 movie ‘The Chase’, agreed to sit down for an interview with the Hard Times. Unfortunately, our office…
LOS ANGELES — Fans and critics alike were delighted today by the long-awaited release of Tool’s new album “Fear Inoculum,” which sounds exactly the same…
TRENTON, N.J. — A group of punks’ plan to invite geriatric next-door neighbor Zofia Gorski to a party so she wouldn’t call the cops backfired…
NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL — Denizens of the underworld are welcoming significant infrastructure improvements over the next few weeks as the newest arrival, billionaire David…
Many of the immigrants that come to the United States seeking a better life are woefully overqualified for the low-skilled jobs they’re forced to settle…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — President Donald Trump reportedly spent Wednesday morning roaming Mar-a-Lago Resort pining for the days when America consistently put out work that,…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — A copy of Dean Koontz’s “The Good Guy” was found beaten and battered on a local bookshelf yesterday, while a copy of…
REDWOOD CITY, Calif. — Impossible Foods Inc., the creator of the meatless Impossible Burger, announced today the development of “Impossible Veal,” the next product in…
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — A merch cashier at Little Rock’s Verizon Arena apologized profusely last night to a gaggle of irate Parrotheads for running out…
KALISPELL, Mont. — Prominent straight-edge hardcore band The Only Way Out burned their unused drink tickets last night in a desperate attempt to stay warm…
MILWAUKEE — Local high school senior Alex Leyden submitted his application this week for University of Wisconsin-Madison’s diversity scholarship on the basis that his hair…
There’s nothing you can do to stop the ravages of time, but if you really want to feel old, you should definitely think about how…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Scientists and well-wishers gathered earlier this week to watch as a crust punk affectionately known as “Shiv” was released back into the…
BLACK ROCK CITY, Nev. — Senior Amazon engineer Eddie Shipman claimed today that Burning Man, the weeklong electronic music festival held in the Nevada desert,…
LONDON — Mick Jones, founding member and former guitarist/singer for the classic punk band the Clash, grew confused yesterday while shopping at a Tesco supermarket…