John Danek
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ALBANY, N.Y. — Diehard Mars Volta fan and Central N.Y.’s third most active LSD synthesizer Nicky Saldano is convinced he…
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Tyler Dark
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LOS ANGELES — Former precocious one-year-old and current convicted felon on parole Tommy Pickles, now 31, allegedly muttered to himself…
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Krissy Howard
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AMES, Iowa — Somewhat recently vaccinated woman Teresa Faison entered her third week of using the potential side effects of…
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Mark Hassenfratz
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HARTFORD, Conn. — Local punk and 31-year-old adult man Kenny Whalen remains blissfully unaware that he is the Whalen family’s…
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Ken Taro
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DALLAS — Local sleep paralysis demon and archetypical projection of humanity’s deepest fears, Edgar, was frightened away from a routine…
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ATLANTA — Bass players across the country are the only adults over the age of 16 who are not currently…
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Heather Cook
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HADDONFIELD, Ill. — Serial killer and supernatural force of pure evil Michael Myers insists upon wearing three layers of face…
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Bobby Korec
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SEATTLE — Local cat owner Robbie Kratchiz admitted yesterday that his cat tree was the most expensive piece of furniture…
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Patrick Crooks
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DETROIT — Ted Nugent, bed-ridden from his recent COVID-19 diagnosis, called upon fellow Michigan far-right musician Kid Rock to discuss…
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MINNEAPOLIS — Former police officer and now-convicted murderer, Derek Chauvin, is reportedly upset that the most sacred day on his…
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