COSTA MESA, Calif. — Local man Nate Mullins, a self-described “punker” and the world’s youngest Pennywise fan, turned 40 years old earlier this week, sources…
WASHINGTON — Democrats have proposed historic legislation that would end the traditional “goodnight kiss” they previously gave all cops right after tucking them into bed…
MIAMI — Ofc. Mark Stewart of the Miami Police Department has reportedly changed his opinion on being filmed while on the job, despite once proudly…
Friend Celebrating Birthday at Home in Quarantine Still Manages to Start Drunken Fight and Lose Shoe
Friend Celebrating Birthday at Home in Quarantine Still Manages to Start Drunken Fight and Lose Shoe
MONTCLAIR, N.J. — Local woman Frankie Landis exceeded all her previous birthday expectations by somehow still managing to start a drunken fight and lose her…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local protester John Reid reportedly missed a number of anti-police protests over the last few weeks, thanks to spending too much time…
DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons, is actually a “total pussy”…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — 26-year-old pop-punk frontman Derrick Ford hit his breaking point last week while tutoring his 17-year-old girlfriend Madison Parker during online summer school…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local concerned citizen Rob Cinyek is providing a detailed play-by-play account of last night’s protests against racial injustice, as witnessed in real…
COLUMBUS — Local 7th grader Theo Hansen was shocked to learn that he had been added to the national terrorist watchlist for scribbling a poorly-drawn…
CHICAGO — A small group of household objects joined together last night to escape an impending and prolonged fucking by the “insatiable lady of the…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary pop-punk trio Blink-182 surprised fans by dropping a new, politically-charged single about meeting the girl of your dreams at a protest,…
NEW YORK — NYPD officer Carson Boucher could not record his wife giving birth to their first son last night due to his habit of…
WASHINGTON — In an effort to bring jobs back home to the U.S., President Trump ordered soldiers enlisted in the military to kill American citizens…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local cop and bland-tasted white guy Cody Anderson admitted earlier today that, despite his general aversion to any seasoning heavier than salt, he…
LOS ANGELES — Startling new models released today predict a massive spike in potential lovers subjecting their first dates to unsolicited details of their screenplays…