WASHINGTON — Newly-inaugurated President Joe Biden is extremely concerned that “The Netflix” won’t know to send his rental DVDs to his new address at the…
GOLDEN, Colo. — Legendary metal band Pantera announced today a collaboration with Coors Brewing Company to bring their fans a new box set in the…
LEAWOOD, Kan. — The value of hot, buttered movie popcorn dropped below $4,000 per barrel for the first time in decades this week following the…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local crust punk David Wong firmly believes that “corporations are an evil plague on society,” which is why he only dumpster dives…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Universal Music Group will reissue nü-metal outfit Papa Roach’s seminal 2000 album “Infest” in a deluxe edition that features five less…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Yesterday’s funeral program for recently deceased Nathan Rivard was the most fun his friends have had since the beginning of the COVID-19…
TORONTO — Crust punk Seth Ulrich tragically bled to death yesterday after making the unfortunate decision to floss his teeth for the first time in…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Every member of Rochester’s remaining DIY scene is homeless today following their eviction from the 600 square foot studio apartment they shared,…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Seminal punk band Green Day are reportedly heading back into the studio this week to record a new, “blistering” single venting their…
BOSTON — Former drinker Mackenzie Stodd has fully shifted her addictive tendencies by committing all her free time and energy into the much more expensive…
SALINE, Mich. — Supposed “lame-ass” history teacher Trevor Rubio failed student Rachel Traynor yesterday for insisting that Neutral Milk Hotel lyrics were a credible source…
PHILADELPHIA — Local millennial Lauren Toole and her live-in boyfriend Nick McIntyre are making an effort to not argue in front of their new houseplant…
HELL — The Devil, legal name Satan, continued the long, bitter litigation with Victory Records founder Tony Brummel today to free his emo band The…
HOUSTON — Local “hot mess” Terri Garter is confident she found the long-awaited solution to get her life back on track in a $20 daily…
SEATTLE — Chronic back-pain sufferer Delaney Edwards is giving serious thought to the polyamorous lifestyle after realizing it could lead to intensely thrilling experiences like…