LAKEWOOD, Calif. — Aging punk Lilo Omed claimed today that the best way to keep his penis erect is not by consuming over-the-counter pills, but…
NEW YORK — Local woman and D.A.R.E. graduate Claudia Dominic is being sued by the legal team representing the Drug Abuse Resistance Education program today…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Punk house staple and eight-year-old tabby cat Fat Vince Neil became the highest contributing member of his household last night by…
WASHINGTON — A sea of Trump supporters with the goal of stopping Joe Biden’s inauguration created chaos by building a fully functional police station just…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Local punk and notable party animal Hilary Jones celebrated her third consecutive day of sobriety yesterday with an ice cold beer, concerned…
RALEIGH, N.C. — Uncle Sal’s Pizzeria unveiled a new “Florida-style” pizza yesterday after an employee accidentally spilled a lukewarm Bud Light on a BBQ chicken…
CROTON-ON-HUDSON, N.Y. — Robby Danter, bassist and devoted member of local band The Tennis Court Oath for the past six years and counting, is optimistic…
WASHINGTON — Capitol security officials announced this morning that the inauguration of President-elect Joe Biden will be secured by 25,000 National Guard Troops and one…
LOS ANGELES — The upcoming fourth installment of the popular “Matrix” movies is expected to shatter records for dumb, pseduo-philisophical discussions in dorm rooms across…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local man Edgar Ruiz admitted today that he would have done things much differently if he knew that the most recent time…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — 41-year-old Pantera megafan Ray “Nickelbag” Shipley is still enrolled in 11th grade at Kings Park High School, as well as nightly…
BALTIMORE — Local thrash metal band Gynosphinx reportedly spent close to $500 to soundproof their practice space last week out of respect for their neighbors…
Man Wondering if One of the Horny MILFs in His Area Could Maybe Just Show Him How to Iron His Shirts
Man Wondering if One of the Horny MILFs in His Area Could Maybe Just Show Him How to Iron His Shirts
SUMMERVILLE, S.C. — Local man Aaron Metcalfe is hoping today that one of the apparently hundreds of horny MILFs in his area advertised on PornHub…
WASHINGTON — Capitol Police instructed potential rioters today to “just use the same route as last time” in response to growing concerns around another possible…
LOS ANGELES — A study from the TV ratings conglomerate Nielsen found that Americans spend an average of 12% of their income on streaming services…