FREEHOLD, N.J. — Local mall security guard Corey Knightly was in shock after a known ‘Blue Lives Matter’ proponent tore into him for 20 minutes…
BOISE, Idaho — Local woman and lifelong punk Charlotte Birdsong came to the relieving conclusion that she does not miss a single thing about going…
HILL VALLEY, Calif. — Marty McFly checked the liner notes of Bad Brains’ self-titled album hoping to see precisely when lightning was scheduled to strike…
CHICAGO — Friends of local man Jesse Miller were disconcerted by the ease with which he spelled the sexually transmitted disease, chlamydia, without even looking…
LOS ANGELES — Local barista Ashley Campos was dismayed to realize that she was ghosted by a skater exactly seven days after watching a jinxed…
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Local punk band Butcher Paper ostensibly only formed to garner attention by way of constant death threats and doxxing, music fans and…
COMMACK, N.Y. — Local man who can’t seem to catch a break Josh Crabtree had a brief moment of celebration after paying off his student…
NEW YORK — Recent NYC transplant and lifelong Floridian Jerry Smithson announced to a group of friends that New York City is without a doubt…
LOS ANGELES — Aging punk Mike Cruz was ordered by the Council of Punk Legitimacy to inform his neighbors that he is a registered poser…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local man and dedicated Al’s Automotive supporter Brian Crespi was shocked and devastated to learn that the mechanic he sees regularly…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local punk and avid merch buyer Ben Riley officially crossed the line from human being to sentient merch booth with the…
BALLARD RESIDENCE — A disturbing and highly scientific new study has found that I, Gary Ballard, the extremely parched breadwinner that works too damn hard…
DALLAS — Local white man Darrell Hargrove raised alarm bells yesterday after a traffic incident led experts to believe his mugshot may soon appear on…
SAN FRANCISCO — After liking, sharing, and commenting on his posts, it looks like your “new friend” from last week’s virtual open mic Chris Hardny…
BEND, Ore. — Alleged “biracial poser” and local punk Liz Watson disappointed white stranger Dana Fields yesterday by inadequately naming three origin stories deemed exotic…