Okay, this is going to sound bad or whatever but like, 2 years ago I was driving through rural Oregon and blah blah blah, I…
SPRINGWOOD, Ohio — Paranormal teen-killer Freddy Krueger is feeling totally freaked out while trying to haunt a Neon Genesis Evangelion fan’s dreams, sleeping sources confirmed. …
POMONA, Calif. — Trick-or-treaters visiting the haunted junkyard behind Old Man Clemens’ house were rewarded with rusted harmonicas handed out by rascal king Tom Waits,…
Halloween is right around the corner and you want to stand out. Every year we see the same old costumes- a generic horror movie monster,…
What you have all done to Halloween is disgusting. Everywhere I turn people are dressed up in ‘sexy’ costumes and going to parties. Halloween is…
BELLE ISLE, Fla. — Local goth Jess “Alexandria Ravenwood” Reynolds is heartbroken that her recently deceased aunt did not include a “one night in a…
There’s no denying it, fall is in the air. The leaves are changing. Kids across the country are counting the days till Halloween. And somewhere,…
Halloween is the punkest time of the year thanks to AFI and Danzig and not really anyone else. So we at The Hard Times decided…
DANVERS, Mass. — Local siblings Lisa and Danielle Burke will get to experience their first year with two different Halloween celebrations following the divorce of…
If You Don’t Do Something About the Annual Murders, I Can No Longer Send My Kids to Your Summer Camp
If You Don’t Do Something About the Annual Murders, I Can No Longer Send My Kids to Your Summer Camp
I wish to bring a troubling issue to the attention of the management at Camp Crystal Lake. I have been sending my children to your…
GARY, Ind. — Local librarian Kate Frazier announced earlier today that a paper skeleton will headline the Halloween decorations on the bulletin board next to…
Figuring out the perfect Halloween costume can sometimes be a headache, especially when you’ve entered protective custody in exchange for giving up your accomplices in…
CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski earned a tidy sum of $523 last week after nearly two dozen tourists mistook her dark and foreboding…
NEW YORK — Democratic Presidential hopeful Andrew Yang defended himself this morning when a small, highly opinionated faction of citizens were offended by recently surfaced…
MANCHESTER, N.H. — Grant Shelling, a bald wheelchair-bound professor at Manchester Community College, browsed a local Party City in an attempt to figure out what…