BOCA RATON, Fla. — Local man Patrick Miller prepared an unwilling audience for a lengthy racist anecdote, assuring everyone that he and his friends’ ignorant…
LAWRENCE, Kan. — A local home is angering neighbors by leaving their 311 Day decorations up long after the holiday has passed and allowing the…
TOPEKA, Kan. — A nine-month-old bedbug currently residing in local punk house and objectively disgusting place, 321, is reportedly at her limit of physical, mental,…
TACOMA, Wash. — Show regular Harmony Smith put the seat down in the bathroom of venue Plaid Pig before squatting and hovering above the toilet…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local punk and self-declared “dish-truther” Sammy Gladwin has been reported by multiple sources as using both sides of plates to save on…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Local punk Wynn Hall updated their resume yesterday evening to include “selling plasma” following a long history of selling their own bodily…
DETROIT — Local metalhead, 36-year-old Denny Brokum, is reportedly willing to admit that he hasn’t heard of the band Scatological Wasteland but is confident that…
DALLAS — Gary McGee, a 50-year-old insurance salesman from Fort Worth who recently married mother of three, Linda Villalobos, is by far the children’s hairiest…
CHARLESTON, W.Va. — Local man and lead singer of popular metal band, A Fistful of Fetuses, thought it a good idea to consult his company’s…
ATHENS, Tenn. — Punks across Tennessee sifting through dumpsters for “perfectly good food” are inadvertently becoming the most well-educated people in America thanks to multiple…
NEW YORK — Percussion enthusiast Jeffery Saunders was disturbed to discover his new electronic drum kit let out sounds of sexual excitement each time his…
RAAHIL’S BODY — The fast-growing cystic acne chain on your friend Raahil’s face is launching franchise opportunities, with new pimples emerging on his upper back…
DENVER — Local police officer, and unknowing swallower of other people’s spit, Dale Martin admitted he wasn’t able to tell the difference between his normal…
PHOENIX — Local couple Mia Jaquish and Timothy Sickler spiced up their relationship by hanging a mirror above their bed so they can watch themselves…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Self-appointed master of thrifting Ryan Lowell is reportedly exhausted from explaining his craft to uneducated crowds low-balling him on his vintage resell…