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Band Disclosing Bedbugs Infestation Subtly Flexing About Recent Tour

BERKELEY, Calif. — Touring band ‘The Flattered & The Curious’ regaled tenants of the apartment they are crashing in with tales from the road while subtly disclosing a recent bedbug infestation.

“Man, we got to check out some wicked scenery in Monterey Bay and Santa Cruz. Every room was booked because it was the beginning of Spring Break so we just slept on the beach on some mattresses we found,” recalled bassist Joshua Orehart. “It was awesome. Especially after the crazy opening gig we had in a Santa Barbara dorm. The RA said we couldn’t crash there so we stayed in our van. Everyone’s been super chill all the way from Portland to San Leandro to Solvang. Never been to Solvang? You should check it out! We played an awesome set there.”

“We joke with everyone that offers us a place to crash that our van has bedbugs from all our touring. And honestly, I’ve only ever seen like three or four. It’s not like a full-blown infestation,” he added.

While impressed with the band’s recent exploits up and down the West Coast, those who offered their hospitality to the touring band were immediately regretful.

“We had heard that these really nice dudes needed a place to crash for the night and after the pretty gnarly set they played we thought we’d lend them a hand. They mentioned that the last few stops they had to sleep outside a gas station or in hotel parking lots,” said overnight host who suddenly swears he “feels itchy or something,” Samuel Turon. “It wasn’t until about the third story that we realized they mentioned every place they visited they found bedbugs in their van after. It was too late to back out. Best we could do was try to keep our corgi away from them.”

Venue promoter Pete Mags booked ‘The Flattered & The Curious’ due to their availability on short notice.

“I had heard of them from another promoter and how they are usually on time and don’t ask for much of a payout, so after the show, I gave them gas money but they all joked it was going to be used for some Raid spray for their van,” he said. “They kept bragging and naming shows in cities I’m pretty sure don’t exist. I’ve never heard of Santa Fe Springs. Have you? After an hour they finally left but I swore I saw a bug on the barstool that I don’t think is native to this part of the state. I have an exterminator coming tomorrow just to be safe.”

As of publishing date, ‘The Flattered & The Curious’ have reported a decline in bedbug sightings in their van but a concerning uptick in cockroach encounters thanks to some “crazy amazing, legit tacos from the coast’ that were left in the van for three weeks.

Photo by Jana Miller.