AUSTIN, Texas — Outdoor enthusiasts gathered today to celebrate the opening of a brand new multi-use outdoor space by watching a shitty-looking white guy perform…
AMHERST, N.Y. — Claudia Piper has selected the dress that she will vomit André Spumante all over this New Year’s Eve, most likely while in…
NEW CASTLE, Del. — An unnamed man was arrested and taken into custody under the suspicion of “potentially having committed any heinous, violent act imaginable”…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Perpetual IPA drinker Benson Watley is reportedly relieved, albeit secretly, that he can now enjoy hard seltzers without the social stigma once…
LOS ANGELES — Stardust Diner, the latest 1950s style diner to open in Burbank, reportedly glosses over some key facts and historical realities, sources who…
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Local woman Missy Frazier is sick of being the only one of her roommates with enough common decency to steal toilet paper…
SALT LAKE CITY – A long-forgotten, years-old container of Great Value black pepper was recently unearthed in the pantry of a two-bedroom apartment, pleasantly surprised…
PERTH AMBOY, N.J. — Friends and family of local punk Ricky Ballstead report he is aging “like a fine PBR” and very much proud about…
BALTIMORE — The refrigerator in a local punk house has garnered attention after it transformed a Kraft single into a slice of decadent blue cheese…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Twice divorced Uncle Mike Dilmer became outraged beyond comprehension due to the mere existence of Tofurky at his extended family’s Thanksgiving celebration,…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local man Dominick Campbell exited a port-o-potty he described as a “crime scene level disaster” and gave a wild-eyed expression to the…
BETHESDA, Md. — Local resident Emily Spencer suffered through yet another flavorless meal when friend Darrien Thomas announced that he could only go somewhere with…