Jonah Nink
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MINNEAPOLIS — Local goth Matilda Flowers spent the afternoon wistfully staring at a pair of crows eating a pile of…
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Jose Balderas
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LOS ANGELES — Representatives from Neutrogena announced they finally perfected a formula strong enough to be certified as “Goth-Strength” by…
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Chris Taaffe
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LOS ANGELES — A new clothing line known as Claw promotes itself as the first luxury brand specifically tailored for…
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Ted Pillow
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MERCER, Pa. — Nancy Lou and Michael Reznor remain optimistic that their son Trent’s strange clothing, dour attitude, and obsession…
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Doug Kolic
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TOLEDO, Ohio. – Local goth office worker Todd Schmidt admitted privately that he is secretly craving a slice of the…
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Nastasya Trudeaux
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PONTIAC, Mich. — Local punk Vince Vanderberg was shocked when the results of a DNA ancestry kit revealed he had…
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Jonah Nink
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Hey bud, sorry to interrupt your kneeling sesh or whatever this, but we kind of need this spot. Sure it’s…
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Stephen Bell
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Does the My Chemical Romance singer think I'm stupid? He clearly must think I'm a big fucking joke if he…
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Billy Patterson
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ANN ARBOR, Mich. – Local teenager Valerie Booth reluctantly made the choice to be goth after reviewing her wardrobe consisting…
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Nathan Kamal
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CHICAGO — Aging goth Ashe Montresor is barely managing to push through their daily 170-minute ritual of applying the appropriate…
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