Yancy Lee Crawford
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SOUTH BEND, Ind. – Notorious asshole Bill Finley was kidnapped in the middle of the night by a disembodied paranormal…
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Jus Kaplan
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Perpetual IPA drinker Benson Watley is reportedly relieved, albeit secretly, that he can now enjoy hard seltzers…
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Ben Friedman
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ST. LOUIS, Mo. — A team of doctors at Barnes Hospital completed an unprecedented surgery when they successfully removed a…
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Dan Kozuh
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ATLANTA — Two cubicle neighbors who haven’t seen one another in over twenty-four months are basically caught up on one…
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Bobby Korec
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SEATTLE — Local guitarist Griffin Barens carefully submerged his soaked amplifier into 10,000 pounds of uncooked rice after playing a…
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Stephen Bell
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CANAL WINCHESTER, Ohio — Local man Evan Taylor found himself the unwitting winner of his friend’s ugly Christmas sweater party…
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John Danek
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RESTON, Va. – Lifelong punk and diehard Dischord Records fan Meredith Jozak questioned the legitimacy of her beloved Minor Threat…
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The Hard Times Staff
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GRESHAM, Ore. — Local friendless reject Dennis Hagar is looking to give away an extra ticket to tonight’s Classless Few…
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Dan Kozuh
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LAKE FOREST, Calif. — Local high school band teacher Kurt Hill has yet to reveal to his students that he…
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Brandon Talley
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JERUSALEM — Biblical scholars were stunned by a newly discovered set of ancient scrolls that suggests Jesus not only turned…
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