INDIANAPOLIS – A small but visibly-confused group of free thinkers stormed the HI-FI Annex stage to incoherently question the connection between weight gain and drinking…
GARY, Ind. — Cass Pollard was shocked this Christmas to discover that their partner’s family apparently opens Christmas presents stone-cold sober the entire time, sources…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Perpetual IPA drinker Benson Watley is reportedly relieved, albeit secretly, that he can now enjoy hard seltzers without the social stigma once…
LAUGHLIN, Nev. — Touring band Jug Blowers attempted to avoid the drama of last year’s disastrous holiday festivities by enacting a firm two drink ticket…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local mother Meredith Ashby displayed a performative expression of surprise and intrigue at a neighborhood cookout yesterday afternoon after reaching into the…
As a civil-minded person, I take a lot of pride in doing my part to keep people safe. When my coworkers started going to Killigan’s…
NASHVILLE — The newly married Taylor family is disgusted by a shameless act of self-promotion exhibited by the wedding band after they set up a…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Forty-two-year-old heavy metal fanatic Jason Higgins shocked bar patrons earlier this week by ordering a Jack Daniel’s Whiskey and cola with the…
NEW YORK — Local punk Than Luethke reports that the majority of his caloric intake comes from the free wine and cheese platters offered at…
SAN DIEGO — The “So-Cal Shimmy,” a brand new novelty party song, is enjoying a quick rise in popularity at weddings across the country because…
MINNEAPOLIS — Bar staff everywhere are rejoicing as Semisonic penned a long-awaited follow-up to their 1998 single “Closing Time” entitled “Seriously, Get the Fuck Out,…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Struggling punk band Sucks To Be You revealed that they were at wits’ end after years of living drink ticket to drink…
CINCINNATI — 26-year-old punk Bobby Larson is now listing a local 7-Eleven cashier as his only emergency contact in lieu of close friends or relatives,…
PORTLAND — Local punk and hopeful train hopper Marc Harcourt is still currently standing on a set of railroad tracks as he had no real…
BOSTON — A local straight edge man battling cancer admitted his biggest regret in life was how infrequently he knocked alcoholic drinks out of unsuspecting…