Dude, sick! Local reports are coming in that this bro Darren Serling got diagnosed with depression, which is super bogus, but get this! Our fact-checker…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — 41-year-old Pantera megafan Ray “Nickelbag” Shipley is still enrolled in 11th grade at Kings Park High School, as well as nightly…
Some people say a dog is a man’s best friend, but with a little maneuvering and a stolen prescription pad, a dog can also be…
LOS ANGELES — Local fuckup Jerry Millwater’s 2021 New Year’s resolution of “practice more self-care” is concerned about its upcoming fight with the overwhelming force…
Getting high and playing video games can be a lot of fun, but you want to make sure you combine the right strain with the…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local punk Rachel “Puke Pig” Valentino left an adult bookstore yesterday ready to enjoy a nice, cold canister of nitrous oxide following…
SAN DIEGO — Local Mom Linda Hudson turned heads in her neighborhood today by giving out full-sized Xanax bars to visiting trick-or-treaters, leaving many parents…
Mindfulness meditation, the practice of remaining present and aware in the moment, has been sweeping America as 2020 only seemed to get worse and worse.…
BOSTON — Local straight edger Pete Westpan is generally apathetic about National Edge Day falling on a Saturday this year, witnesses who thought he’d be…
It would indeed be astute of you to point out that I am naked, sweaty, and on drugs. However, I can assure you that these…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Local man and alleged former drug addict Kyle Drury is “weirdly braggy” about the apparently darkest, most terrifying experience of his life…
Am I the future of Gonzo journalism? I sure hope so, because my behavior today endangered my marriage, traumatized my son, and may result in…
With the Verhoevian monster truck rally that is the Republican National Convention finally upon us, we here at The Hard Times decided that the only…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Crust punk Brad DelFino’s bathing attempt brought tragedy to his community yesterday, as sources report the 10-minute shower somehow left DelFino grosser…
SAN DIEGO — Thanks to the slowdown in day-to-day police activity, local officer Scott Martinson is now committing abuses of power against members of his…