LOS ANGELES — Former precocious one-year-old and current convicted felon on parole Tommy Pickles, now 31, allegedly muttered to himself “a baby’s gotta do what…
AMSTERDAM — Festive spirits are high in Holland today as the nation celebrates Fourten Twitzen, their version of 4/20 day, where children who refuse to…
Well it’s 4/20 again, and all the rubes are getting stoned out of their gourds talking about how today was the day acid was invented…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Domino’s Pizza delivery drivers across the country are upgrading their tires to near military-grade 4/20 models for the upcoming cannabis-themed day…
CHICAGO — Local punk Gary “Crutch” Burke’s girlfriend Jacquelyn Flowers, who helped Burke get off of drugs, stop living on the street, and is paying…
Dude, sick! Local reports are coming in that this bro Darren Serling got diagnosed with depression, which is super bogus, but get this! Our fact-checker…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — 41-year-old Pantera megafan Ray “Nickelbag” Shipley is still enrolled in 11th grade at Kings Park High School, as well as nightly…
Some people say a dog is a man’s best friend, but with a little maneuvering and a stolen prescription pad, a dog can also be…
LOS ANGELES — Local fuckup Jerry Millwater’s 2021 New Year’s resolution of “practice more self-care” is concerned about its upcoming fight with the overwhelming force…
Getting high and playing video games can be a lot of fun, but you want to make sure you combine the right strain with the…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local punk Rachel “Puke Pig” Valentino left an adult bookstore yesterday ready to enjoy a nice, cold canister of nitrous oxide following…
SAN DIEGO — Local Mom Linda Hudson turned heads in her neighborhood today by giving out full-sized Xanax bars to visiting trick-or-treaters, leaving many parents…
Mindfulness meditation, the practice of remaining present and aware in the moment, has been sweeping America as 2020 only seemed to get worse and worse.…
BOSTON — Local straight edger Pete Westpan is generally apathetic about National Edge Day falling on a Saturday this year, witnesses who thought he’d be…
It would indeed be astute of you to point out that I am naked, sweaty, and on drugs. However, I can assure you that these…