PHOENIX — 35-year-old Cassie Lozano is in critical condition after she foolishly came to the conclusion she needed to limit her caffeine intake and decided…
DALY CITY, Calif. — Paul “Sprout Fingers” Brecher, a devoted follower of legendary rock band The Grateful Dead, did his best to appear interested in…
For as long as there have been shows, there have been drugs at shows. There’s just one problem: Music is very hard. One day the…
BAYONNE, N.J. — Residents of local punk house The Dry Socket made the cost-cutting decision to switch to Kirkland Signature for household whippets after reevaluating…
WASHINGTON — A new report from the Food and Drug Administration confirmed that the rate of teenagers rhyming the word “cigarette” with the words “night…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local faded couple Robby Weeks and Angela Torres found and have since adopted a puppy while out doing whatever it is they…
QUINCY, Mass. – Neighborhood staple Al’s Market won an online poll for “Best Local Sandwich Spot,” despite strong evidence of it being a front for…
PALMDALE, Calif. — Local fuel sniffer, Seth Carr, purchased several grams of heavily cut cocaine in response to historically high gas prices and the need…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Southern woman and recreational drug user Darlene Abbot reportedly refers to every amphetamine or stimulant simply as “coke,” citing cultural norms and…
When many people think of drugs they think of this scary boogey man that has no social benefits. Of course, some drugs can’t be trusted.…
BERKELEY, Calif. — An elite panel of alternative medical professionals announced that the common identifier “California Sober” is being expanded to include both psilocybin (magic…
HILLSBOROUGH, N.J. — Local party-goer and person seemingly in need of some “quiet time,” Katherine Gallagher, is being asked by those around her to “take…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local punk Elizabeth “Bloodfucker” Matolka elicited mild surprise from her bandmates when she acknowledged a degree of affinity for country-pop artist…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Local deadhead Patrick Thames expressed excitement over Martin Scorsese’s upcoming biopic of the Grateful Dead which is expected to be mostly improvised,…
The enormity of Kanye West’s celebrity is colossal. His followers are legion. Sneakerheads worship his designs. His artistry has generated behemoth record sales and he…