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20 Worst NOFX Songs To Play At Your Friend’s Intervention

Welp, it’s that time of year again. The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, people are letting loose in the summer air, and you need to have a serious talk about your friend Greg’s troubling habits. No one likes an intervention, so you might be thinking of crafting a perfect playlist to help lighten the mood before getting down to the serious task at hand. You know NOFX is fun, and you also know that Fat Mike is a pretty vulnerable songwriter who has been to rehab multiple times. Before you start adding the band’s songs to the queue, here are twenty that you should maybe consider skipping.

“Drugs Are Good”

This one’s pretty much a given. You’re all gathered at your apartment to talk to your friend Greg about how, in his case at least, drugs are very NOT good. We can’t reiterate enough here that when he does drugs, people definitely do not think that he is cool.

“Kids of the K-Hole”

You’re planning on slipping all of Greg’s ketamine out of his jacket pocket when you offer to hang it up for him at what he thinks is just a normal get together among friends. Probably best to hold off on playing a song that references the drug multiple times, lest he direct his ire with the situation onto you.

“Drug Free America”

You might be thinking to yourself, ‘Oh great! A song promoting clean living and embracing sobriety as a nation!’ We hate to be the bearer of bad news here, but the song is actually about how all drugs should, in fact, be free, which is a sentiment Greg certainly agrees with.

“You Drink, You Drive, You Spill”

Unfortunately, Greg just got his second DUI, which is the entire reason you planned this intervention to begin with. We normally love a song that makes light of drunk driving. Especially if it spends most of its runtime suggesting the biggest risk it imposes is a spilled cocktail. Still, there’s a time and a place, and this function is neither.

“Quart In Session”

Everybody loves a good pun, but Greg literally has a court date this month related to an act of arson he has no memory of committing. Witnesses said it was pretty sick, but that’s irrelevant right now. The time for jokes is sadly over, as well as any potential for rebuilding the charred White Castle on Broad St. Also, it goes without saying that a track that talks about how boring sobriety can be is not the most appropriate given the current situation.

“Pump Up The Valuum”

We’ve always suspected that Greg’s Valium problem was a direct result of his leg injury last summer, which may have happened when he drank a 30 pack and tried to do a backflip off of his neighbor’s garage. You might be wanting to play this one to prove a point about the dangers of Diazepam abuse, but it’s best to at least pick a song where the writers aren’t so zooted they can’t spell the name of the drug correctly in the title.

“I Am An Alcoholic”

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem in the first place. We all know Greg is a bit hard-headed, as evidenced by multiple inebriated concussions he has suffered. You’d be forgiven for wanting to speed the process along. Still, no matter how hard you try to make it so, this song will not serve as an admission of alcohol abuse unless Greg decides to add it to the queue himself.

“First Call”

This is a song about going to a bar as soon as it opens to be the first person there that gets shit faced. It also talks about essentially drinking 24/7 with pride. Needless to say, this is not the message we’re all trying to send to a guy who recently got banned from your favorite bar for camping out in the parking lot after closing time.

“Whoops, I OD’d”

Wow, who sucked all the fun out of this incredibly serious and hopefully life-saving intervention? That’s what your friends will be asking when this depressing as fuck song written from the perspective of an overdose victim starts trickling out of your BlueTooth speaker. Obviously the themes of the song are exactly what you’re trying to prevent, but even Greg will feel it’s a bit too on the nose.

“Pharmacist’s Daughter”

Chances are, one of the reasons this intervention is taking place is to reduce the chances of Greg getting into even more trouble. Because of this, it’s probably not a great idea to clue him in on one of the oldest scams in the book. Greg’s dating history as of late has been rocky at best, so even planting the suggestion that he can date a pharmacist or their daughter to score more Oxy is obviously not going to lead down the best path.

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